Church

Why would people go to a place that tells them week after week, that they suck and that they are not worthy, maybe its because we are all searching for hope.

You are sold this idea, that you are broken, filthy, and that you could do NOTHING without God, and that you DON’T deserve love. Then, and only then, are you sold the solution. Which is, “You are nothing without God, and God is your hope and Salvation, and HE is the only one that can redeem you.

We all know someone or groups of people in our lives that bring themselves up, by tearing others down. The Church does this, because after they tear you down by telling how unworthy you are, they turn it around say this Church is the only thing that can make you feel better about this new found hate of yourself that has been ingrained into you since the first time you’ve visited their God’s Temple. This is done, to create a dependency on this Church, and in turn keeps you dependent on them.

The Church is always saying, “It’s not about a religion, its about a relationship with God.” …But what do you call it when one person in a relationship is constantly told they are worthless and undeserving of that relationship, This is emotional abuse.

Is your church telling you, you are undeserving of love? That no matter how good you are, or whatever you do is just not ENOUGH? Has your church ever intentionally embarrassed you or made you feel ashamed?

The Church will keep up these practices to keep you around, as it manipulates you into maintaining that relationship with them. It creates a false sense of need for them. For some people in the church this creates an solution for a problem they may not have had to begin with. The Church is telling you they have the answer, and that this church and this specific belief system is the only way you can find love.

While I don’t believe the church does this with malicious intent, but for someone like me, who has struggled greatly with self esteem and self worth, It has made me struggle further and further into my own mental health issues with self worth. That even after 18 years of leaving the Church, this still causes me sleepless nights, and debilitating fear and dread. I spent years of my life trying to find that self esteem and worthiness from a place that constantly told me I was never good enough or deserving of it.

The Church has constantly said they love everyone, that God died for everyone…but after I came out, I was given a paper to sign that would remove my name off the church membership, or deal with something called church discipline, or forsake my sexual identity and go to a conversion camp. I chose the only option I saw that wouldn’t result in my own self inflicted death. But with the knowledge that I am signing off my name of the very same love I was taught that only the Church (God) can provide.

And even though now, I know that my self worth is NOT tied to this religion (or relationship with a God), I still struggle with that fear, and learned behavior of worthlessness from the church. I work everyday to tell myself I am worthy. Because I am worthy of love regardless of what the Church has taught me.